Listen to your partner from your open-hearted Self.Tell your partner about what you found inside (speak for your parts), and.Ask those parts to relax and let you speak for them.Focus inside and find the parts that are triggered.When you begin to fight, each of you can try the following: These practices-remaining the “I” in the storm or the empty vessel, and speaking for rather than from your parts-can be combined into a general way of relating as a couple when you have conflict. Practice: SELF-LEADERSHIP AS A WAY OF INTERACTING IN A CONFLICT What they really want is to have a voice-to be listened to by you and to have their position represented to others. When your parts trust that you will speak for them, they feel less driven to take over and explode at people. Self energy has a soothing effect on any parts it touches, whether they are in you or in another person. Instead, your respect and compassion for the other person will be heard in addition to the courage of your convictions.
Your words lose their judgmental sting or their off-putting desperation and coerciveness. When, on the other hand, you listen to your protectors and then speak for them, from your Self, the message is received in a very different way, even if you use the same words that your parts are saying. When your protective parts are upset and speak directly to another person, invariably they will trigger parts in the other. When people receive a message from you, it has two components: the content (the actual words) and the energy behind the words. In the Internal Family Systems model, the practice of speaking for, rather than from, parts when they are triggered is an important aspect of Self-leadership.
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